how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
