Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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