Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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