At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
