god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
