Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
