I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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