you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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