i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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