you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
