We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
