I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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