also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
