That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
