Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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