Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
