I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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