living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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