Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
