Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
