Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
