I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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