So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
