just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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