There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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