My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
