another moral hangover. fuck.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
