I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
40s are totally the cure
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize