Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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