Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
