Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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