Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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