it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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