is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
