you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Say something about gay babies.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
