I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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