yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Say something about gay babies.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
