May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
