i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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