Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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