You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
