this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
