im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize