do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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