too bad you live with your parents still
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
vagina is talking i cant
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
