The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
