yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize