Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
