is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
