News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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