my phone needs a breathalizer
The best revenge is premature balding
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
