Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
