Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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