Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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