If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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