Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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