Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
