Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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