I checked into jail on foursquare
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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